Late Update from Thursday Dr. Appt

Thursday Appt: Well, of course, not much news. I am effaced 80% and still dilated about the same between 1.5 and 2. My stomach is now measuring 4 weeks larger!!! So, my body looks and feels like I should have a baby soon, but...we don't know that. The Doctor said that she is pretty confident I will not go to my due date, but when I will go is still up in the air. I have been having a lot of back pain lately-which I think can be indicative of preterm labor. I think I will go sooner, but that is just what I am feeling. Maybe it is because I feel like a beached whale. But, not much else from the appointment-just wait and see. I am to continue taking the Procardia for contractions, but will stop on Thursday. If labor does start, we will probably just let it take course.
Other News: So, again, it has been so nice to have my mom in town. I have been trying to relax best I can, but I still want to get up and do things. We did go to the pumpkin patch yesterday, which was really fun for Dawson. The place had a straw slide, a ghetto straw maze, goats, and of course a "pumkin patch". I put it in parenthesis because they literally had boxes of pumpkins to pick from or pumpkins just chilling in the grass to pick. Oh well. The adults were definitely more disappointed than Dawson, so it doesn't matter-he had fun.
On another note. For the past week I have been looking for an outfit for Samuel. I just really wanted to buy something for him-because whether or not he comes home or not, he needs at least one baby outfit. Well, Dawson was looking at baby clothes with me and saw a picture of a baby. Dawson said, "that baby is going to die" and "that baby is in trouble". I think my heart ripped right out of my chest at that moment. I know that he doesn't fully understand, but he definitely hears what we are saying. I just don't know how to handle talking to a toddler about this stuff, but I guess we will cross that bridge when it comes... Anyway, despite the difficulties in looking for an outfit (not knowing if it will be for Samuel to come home in or be buried in), I ended up getting a really adorable warm, cozy sleeper and a little baby hat to go with it. Then Dawson picked out a cute penquin for Samuel. I am glad that we did that. It was hard, but felt good to buy something for my baby boy-who is very real.
We are hanging in there. We all have been a bit on edge, but it has helped a lot that my mom is here-it relieves some of the everyday stressors like Dawson, cleaning house, laundry, dinner, etc. We just keep praying that God will make these big decisions that are coming our way, or at least he will give us absolutely clarity in what he wants us to do. We are not able to handle decisions this big. I am glad that God is our warrior and fights for us and gives us directions, because we are clueless.