Poem

Mommy please don't look so sad
Momma please don't cry
'cause I'm in the arms of Jesus
Please try not to question God,
don't think He is unkind.
Don't think he sent me to you and
then simply changed His mind.
You see I am a special child
and I'm needed up above.
I'm the special gift you gave Him
a product of His love.
I'll always be there with you,
so watch the sky at night.
Find the brightest star that's
gleaming, it's my halo's brillant
light! So Mommy please don't
look so sad, Mommy don't cry
I'm in the arms of Jesus Christ
singing lullabies.

-author unknown

Sad.

Well, I know I am not so good at keeping up with my blog anymore, but it has been hard. I miss Samuel so much! Everytime I picture his sweet little face I just start crying. I still want to make sense of why he had to die. Grrr. When I am ready I will ask God to tell me. I feel that it is okay to ask God why. God can handle my questions.

Anyway, the other day I stopped by Samuel's grave site. We don't have a stone yet (but we did just order it last week). All that is there is a small rectangular dirt spot. Even though I know that it is just his body and that he is not there anymore, I just cried a lot. Dawson was in the car ( he didn't need to get out). But when I got back in the car, Dawson asked if I was sad. I told him that I just miss Samuel. Of course, Dawson being the sweet little boy that he is, told me "it will be ok mom". Then he preceded to tell me that he would go get Samuel with his super-fast wings. Almost everyday Dawson talks about going to go get Samuel. The other day he told me we needed to go to Target so he could buy some wings. That same day he told me that Samuel was playing with Jesus. What a beautiful picture that paints for me.

Ok. Well, just continue to pray for us. Pray for understanding, pray for peace, pray for unity, pray for healing, pray for direction.

Also, thank you for those of you who have donated. We aren't able to see who is donating, but money as been put in ...so thank you. I wish I knew who you all are. May the Lord bless you for your generosity.

Just Here

I know it has a been awhile since I last updated, but this will be short. It is late and I am exhausted. I will get better at writing again...soon. We are surviving. We are taking each day, one at a time (what we are suppose to do anyway).

I just want to tell you a little story about Dawson (that kid is amazing). Dawson frequently talks about Samuel. I love it! But the other day, he made my heart melt. This is our conversation:

Dawson: I am going to go get Samuel.
Me: Do you know where Samuel is?
Dawson: With Jesus.
Me: How are you going to get him?
Dawson: I have super-fast wings to go get him.

Again, today he said he was going to go get Samuel. But this time we were in the car. He pretended to put on his wings and then told me that I needed to unbuckle him so he could fly. He started flapping his "wings" in the car and saying "flap, flap, flappin'". Man, I wish I could be as innocent and opened as he is. I pray that the world doesn't take this away from him.