Sunday, January 25, 2009

The Tears Will Fall Down

Well, we are back from Florida. It was a great trip, but I am glad to be in my own bed. Dawson was so cute. He fell asleep on our second flight. When he woke up at home in his bed he very excitedly said, "we're home!". He was glad to see all his toys and have his yogurt. He woke up this morning on eastern time-at 6am. I tried to convince him that it wasn't day and that he needed to go back to bed. Not so lucky!
So, being back has been really hard for me. Every time I walk into the living room, my heart breaks. I can't stop picturing Samuel lying there, lifeless, on that floor. Oh my heart just aches. I have never felt so much sadness and pain in my entire life and I don't think I ever will. Last night I just keep kissing his picture on the wall. My sweet baby, oh my sweet baby, how I miss him. I just wanted to curl up in a ball and hold his picture tight. When I went to bed last night I was still crying and it woke Dawson up. Dawson just hugged me and rubbed my head while saying over and over again, "it's ok mom, it's ok, don't cry, it's ok". What a sweet child! I love how God is using Dawson to help comfort me. Man, this sucks. I have really been struggling lately with being angry with God. I am not angry...as in not wanting to have a relationship with Him, but mad that this had to happen...even though I know He is using it...oh...so many mixed emotions....

Monday, January 19, 2009

Florida.

Well, we have been busy here in the sunny state of Florida. Today was a gorgeous day! The other days have not been that great, but who cares...we are here together as a family and that is what matters. We went to Magic Kingdom, Animal Kingdom, downtown Disney, and a helicopter ride in Orlando. What a great time! Dawson is being such a little champ. Today we chilled at camp and went to the park with a lot of kids of camp staff. It truly was a great day. It is nice to be here with old friends.
This trip has been great so far. It is nice to be away together and have a free agenda. Although we are having a great time, I think I have thought of Samuel even more than ever. Everything is just so surreal. I just can't believe how dramatically our lives changed in one day...in 10 weeks. I feel like we need to do something with this experience that God has chosen us to endure. I am not quite sure what that means, but I feel like we can't go living our lives like we were before. Big things are going to happen.
Samuel's life has changed a lot of people's lives-especially our life. What a blessing he was and continues to be! His life was short but precious beyond belief. So many things we take for granted-like our next breath, tomorrow, each moment. We just never know we will leave this life here on earth or when anyone around will either. I feel like I understand more the saying, "make the most of every opportunity". For, we are not God, and therefore need to stop living like we are. I have also realized that so many things I once thought were important in life...well, frankly they just aren't anymore. I think my spirit has been softened. I have learned to see good in others FIRST. I understand more what it means to be "surrounded by a fellowship of believers". "Peace that transcends all understanding" has taken on a new meaning...wow! There is just so much I personally have learned (so much more than I have said) and that I will continue to learn. But I think the thing that surpasses all is that God is good and He is in control. Thank goodness I don't have to be in control-that would be way too much handle.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Here we come Florida!

So, we are off to Florida tomorrow. Jeff already to be down there for work next week, so we decided to take a family vacation and go down early. It has been a long year. I think it will be good to get away. Pray for our safety and for a time of healing and renewing. Dawson is really excited to see Mickey and go swimming.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Donations: US Bank

OK... so we have set up a memorial fund through US Bank. For whatever reason, it has been a little more complicated than expected.

It is under the name: Samuel A. Rowbotham Memorial Fund

Apparently you can only donate by going into the bank....

But...if you don't have a US Bank, you can mail a check to my mom's address with "Samuel A. Rowbotham Memorial Fund" written on it. It seems technology has only come so far. She will then deposit the money into the account.... I am not sure this is the best option yet (if you don't have a US Bank) so I will work on a better plan. Feel free to give me suggestions. Otherwise, you can mail check to my mom...just email me if you want to do that and I will give you her address. You can email me at: rowbothamkristy@gmail.com and please put "donation for samuel" in the subject. OK. Thanks.

Sorry so complicated.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

My Sweet, Sweet, Baby

I have been so sad lately. There is always the "what if" and "if only", but I know I can't think that way. Regardless of why this happened, I have to trust that God had this in his plan. I just get so sad when I think of my sweet baby. Already, I can't smell him anymore...it is like his smell has already disappeared. I just wish I could get a whiff of him. My heart is so heavy. I always want things to make sense, but in life things just don't always make sense. Grr.
Yesterday I went to the hospital to drop off all his Newborn size clothes. He got so many adorable clothes that he never got to wear. So sad. But I wanted to give them to someone who could use them. I am sure little babies in the NICU will use them. But not my sweet little Samuel. Also, when I was there I went up to the PICU to pick up a hand and foot mold. The nurses let me in the entrance and I just starting crying. I waited at the door until someone brought me the molds. The molds were the most adorable, precious things. They show every little detail of his hand and foot-every little crease, his nails, his tiny toes, tiny fingers....oh. I will cherish the molds forever! I just kissed them and it reminded me of him. Oh, I just miss him. I wish I could hold him just a little longer-feel his warmth. My sweet, sweet, Samuel.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Almost a Week

Well, it has been almost a week since Samuel has met Jesus. We are very sad that he is gone. We are sad because WE want to hold him, touch him, and have him here with us. Despite being sad I am also relieved that Samuel doesn't have to suffer anymore-no more surgeries, no more suctioning, no more annoyances. He is not restricted anymore. Now that everyone has left (except my mom) I find it harder to be content...I know that this is normal and it is ok to be sad...but I guess I am not quite ready to accept the reality that my sweet little baby will never come home again (at least here on earth). It just doesn't make sense...but I have to realize it may never make sense in the way I want his passing to make sense. That is ok, but hard to grasp.

Anyway, we were suppose to bury Samuel on Wednesday, but no one at the hospital would sign his death certificate, so we are burying him tomorrow. It will just be me, jeff, and my mom.

Side note: I know people have been asking about giving donations...we are working on it...we need his death certificate (the hospital is suppose to be signing that tonight). Hopefully we can set that up... we will let you know when we get that taken care of.

Continue to pray for us-for peace and understanding.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Heavenly Visions

The beauty of child-like faith takes my breath away. I have to tell you what happened the night before Samuel died. I was putting Dawson to bed while Jeff was at the hospital with Samuel. Dawson and I were praying as we normally do before bed. Dawson's prayer goes like this: "God, Jesus, Amen". This particular night I told Daws that Samuel was very sick and we needed to pray for him. Then Dawson said the most amazing thing I could have asked for. He said, "Samuel is dying. Samuel is dead" then pointed out the window and said "there are angels out there holding Samuel. They are going to put him back in his bed. They are flap, flap, flappin' out there." After that he said the name "michael". I asked him why he said that...but he just said, "nuthin". I felt like that was a sign from God. It gave me peace that he was taken care of and that angels were holding him. I am at peace that Samuel is with Jesus. I know that he is a lot better off. I can just picture him with a whole body in heaven-no more pain, no surgeries, just freedom. My sweet baby Samuel is in the arms of the Lord, I couldn't ask for anything more.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Donations

Jeff and Kristy are asking that any donations being sent will be sent to a memorial fund in honor of Samuel Rowbotham through US Bank. They are are in the process of setting it up and more details will be forth coming.

Friday, January 2, 2009

A Celebration of Life

I am so exhausted: both mentally and physically, so this will be short. I just want to update everyone of the arrangements we have made to celebrate Samuel's life and to tell of the glory of God.

Monday, January 5th
1:00pm
Woodmen Valley Chapel, Rockrimmon Campus
(The Stone Chapel)
290 E. Woodmen Rd., Colorado Springs, CO 80919
There will be a reception with snacks following the service.
Thank you all.

He is with Jesus Today

Our precious little baby boy met Jesus this morning. Thank you God for taking care of him. We trust God that he is well with you. We love you Samuel.