I have been so sad lately. There is always the "what if" and "if only", but I know I can't think that way. Regardless of why this happened, I have to trust that God had this in his plan. I just get so sad when I think of my sweet baby. Already, I can't smell him anymore...it is like his smell has already disappeared. I just wish I could get a whiff of him. My heart is so heavy. I always want things to make sense, but in life things just don't always make sense. Grr.
Yesterday I went to the hospital to drop off all his Newborn size clothes. He got so many adorable clothes that he never got to wear. So sad. But I wanted to give them to someone who could use them. I am sure little babies in the NICU will use them. But not my sweet little Samuel. Also, when I was there I went up to the PICU to pick up a hand and foot mold. The nurses let me in the entrance and I just starting crying. I waited at the door until someone brought me the molds. The molds were the most adorable, precious things. They show every little detail of his hand and foot-every little crease, his nails, his tiny toes, tiny fingers....oh. I will cherish the molds forever! I just kissed them and it reminded me of him. Oh, I just miss him. I wish I could hold him just a little longer-feel his warmth. My sweet, sweet, Samuel.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
9 comments:
My heart breaks for you. I can only imagine the pain. Keep trusting in God, and He will see you through this.
There will always be "what ifs" and "if I'd only done this". I was widowed at a young age (27) and still wonder what I could have done differently.
But, we must trust that God has a better plan for those who are no longer with us. He is much wiser and knows things we can't understand.
We need to remember to cherish the short time we had our loved ones with us. They are part of what we are now and will be in the future.
Try saying to yourself, that someday something good will come out of this even though it seems impossible now.
I think about you and your family everyday and pray for your comfort often and that you might again find hope in hopeless.
I'm crying! I love you so much! laura
Just wish I could give a huge hug! I'm soo soo sorry for your pain. God IS with YOU!!! - Chris
Keep hugging and loving on Jeff and Dawson -- you all will get through this in time. It IS hard!!
"So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive His mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most." Hebrews 4:16 NLT
Praying for you all.
My heart aches for you, Kristy. I continue to pray.
I just stumbled across your blog. I am humbled by your strength. God Bless.
I am so sorry Kristy. I cannot imagine how hard this must be for you. You can't think about the what ifs--you did all you could do for Samuel and more. We all love you and still pray for you.
Your cousin,
Tina
Post a Comment