It has been harder lately.

The past week has been a little harder for me. I think it is with the changing weather. As I see summer fading away, I get closer to the reality of Samuel's arrival. I am so fearful of the unknown. I just wish the doctors could give me something, but at this point it is just, " I am not really sure what to expect". Again, I try to take it one day at a time. The days have been a little easier than the nights. At least during the day I stay busy-running around doing anything I can think of with Dawson, then taking a nap with him. Naps are such a wonderful thing, especially with my baby. I know these moments with Dawson will only be temporary. Dawson and I sometimes literally just walk around Target (or Walmart) just because I don't want to go home or it makes me do some mindless activity. Dawson quite enjoys it, because we explore the toy the toy section for quite some time. Only problem is-he wants EVERY toy or rather he says he "needs" it. Anyway, nights have been extremely difficult. I have been lying in bed just thinking...thinking of all the plans I had for Samuel and our family. Pondering how Dawson would adjust to be being a big brother. Thinking of our daily lives changing. what I was going to do with the nursery. Yikes. It is so easy to let the mind get out of control. Many nights I have laid there for hours-at last, finally giving my brain a break. Despite this, I still have peace. I am not sure what the peace is in regards to-I guess the situation as a whole-just trusting that God has to be bigger. I have some what put God on the back burner for right now. Not that I am not trusting him or relying on him, but just trying to grasp some things in my head before I go to the Creator. I know he is there when I need Him. Right now, I am just hanging in there-one day at a time.