I put the title that way because my belly is HUGE. As of last week I was measuring 3 weeks bigger. Yikes! I am afraid of how big my belly is going to get. I can already barely fit through our back door. In my defense, it has a doggie door, which makes the entire entrance smaller. But honestly, Jeff said my stomach definitely sticks out more than it did with Dawson. I have to agree. I don't remember being this uncomfortable with Dawson. Samuel is just constantly in my rib. Bending down is becoming a challenge. EEk.
So, nighttime is being a dreaded part of my day. I wish I didn't have to sleep and that it would be light all day. Night is just evil. My thoughts just go crazy. I try to relax, but it is such a challenge. I bought some pillow spray that supposedly smells like warm milk and honey. It is suppose to help one relax. I like the smell, but it is not so much helping me feel asleep. I also bought an eye pillow that can be heated up or chilled. It feels pretty nice, but doesn't really help. Unfortunately the only thing that has seemed to work is taking a sleeping pill. I am still open to trying new things. I really hate having to take a pill to go to sleep, but after laying there for so long, one becomes desperate. Grrr.
The weeks are now only single digits away. I can feel my anxiety level rising. The anticipation is hard because it is so unknown. I just have to keep reminding myself, "this is for God's glory, this is for God's glory". I think as the time approaches I struggle more with the questions of God's plan. Just thinking of how it will all play out. Even when I pray I always first ask God for a miracle. In my mind asking for a miracle means completely healing Samuel-making him normal like Dawson was. Then I revert back to , "I mean, God, I ask for your will, whatever that may be". As much as I want God's will to happen, I still want my baby to be completely healed, but at the same time I want it to be God's plan and not mine. So complicated. Luckily I am not the one in control because I really don't know what is best.
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Hi Kristy, it's Sarah Stinson. I've been following your blogs for awhile now. I always want to comment so badly but can't ever come up with something that seems good enough to post. I realize that is silly; there aren't any words of wisdom or comfort that I'm going to be able to say that you don't already know or experience from God. I just want you to know that you are on my mind everyday and I look forward to reading your posts. It's amazing to see the wonderful person you've become. I hope for the best for you but I honestly believe you will receive more than that. I love you and miss you dearly.
Say hello to Ty and Koya for me!
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