Deep Sadness

This is Kristy. Well, Samuel is doing ok...just ok. I talked to the nurse this morning and she said he had an "ok" night. My heart is sad. I hate to see my little baby suffering like this. It is hard to understand why this had to happen. But, again, that is where I just have to continue to trust God and know that he is in control. The doctors have yet to find out why this happened, but they just keep saying, "this was a very bad thing to happen". Samuel was without a heart rate/oxygen for 32 minutes (if not or more). As soon as Jeff came up to get me that morning I began CPR to a lifeless little Samuel lying on the floor. He didn't respond. Then 911 arrived and took over...with no success. They said that 2 minutes into the ride they got a pulse. That is a really long time to be without oxygen. The big concern is the damage that was done to his brain. Not only did he already have little brain, but what he did have has been damaged. Yesterday they did an EEG (brain scan) and determined that there was very little brain activity. When this test was done previously it was determined that he had normal brain activity. This is very dishearting. It feels like the chance that he had has been smashed...but I will never give up hope. But I think hope is wishing for the best for Samuel. I feel torn at what to pray for. I want to pray that he gets better-that his brain/organs recover, but at the same time I want to pray that he will stop suffering and just be with Jesus. That is why I just need God to make that decision very clear-that He makes that decision. Please pray for that. Our hearts are heavy. Our sadness is great. It just doesn't make sense, but sometimes life just doesn't make sense and we just have to accept that.