Getting Closer

Well, I can't believe it. Two weeks from Monday we will meet our little baby (unless she/he decides to come earlier). I have to say the last week has been miserable. I feel awful to being so negative, but man I feel like everything is just falling about. First off, Dawson had a terrible cough and that was no fun, then I got it (I swear twice as bad as he did). Then I am officially off my zoloft. I went off of it, to make sure that the baby doesn't go through withdrawl. I feel like a crazy person. Not to mention that my mom's heart results came back and her heart didn't improve with medicine...now she has to get a defibrillator. And then I am suppose to be only doing the "essentials". Ahhh. It has just been crazy emotionally for me. I know that it will get better, I just feel so overwhelmed. I know, I am just complaining.

But on a positive note. My brother and his sweet wife Katie are leaving March 10th to go to Ethiopia to pick up twin boys. Kaiden and Kamden. What a blessing! They were born October 30th, 2009.

It has been a long time.

I know it has been a long time since I have written. It has been a long road. It has officially been over 1 year since everything was happened. As much as I miss sweet Samuel, I am so thankful that he is free and with Jesus. His life served so many purposes, some of which people have shared. This year is going to be a good year. I have so much joy with the anticipation of our new little one arriving. March 21st is not far away! Not only do I have joy with our little one coming, but I am an aunt and will be an aunt again in March! Jeff's brother and wife had a little baby named Eli Samuel. And my brother and his wife will be adopting twin boys from Ethiopia (hopefully being able to go get them by March). So praise Jesus!

On another note...I miss needing God the way I needed Him before.

Merry Christmas my sweet Samuel!

This year has definitely been hard. I have to say that I feel so blessed that I was able have sweet Samuel at home last year for Christmas. But, I am so sad that I don't get to spend it with him this year. I miss my sweet baby so much, but rejoice that he is no longer suffering and that he is spending his days with Jesus! Speaking of, Happy Birthday Jesus! Dawson always makes things a little easier, I must say. Everytime we read the Christmas Story or he sees a picture of baby Jesus, Dawson says, "Baby Samuel". I try to correct him, but it almost just seems right. Samuel is with Jesus right now and it is almost as if we all got to see a bit of Jesus through the face of that sweet baby Samuel. It brings smiles to my heart. And again, although I am joyful with the season, I also find myself being angry and extremely heartbroken-all of which I know is normal. At the same time-I have so much to look forward to- another sweet gift from God. Dawson has given the new baby a name, "Jacob Samuel". (We aren't going with that name, but it is sweet anyway and we don't know if it is a boy or girl.)

Oct. 24th-Samuel's First Birthday

Well, I have to say that Samuel's birthday was a lot harder than I anticipated. It wasn't that I expected it to be "easy", just not as hard. In all honesty, I had initially wanted to have a party, a celebration of life-have people over, eat cake, and just talk about Samuel. But, when that day came, it was completely the opposite. Instead all I wanted to be was be grumpy, take it out on Jeff and Dawson, and just be plan pissy to the world. Grrrr.

That morning we took Dawson to the doctor because of his awful cough that he gets so frequently (everything was fine, but just wanted to make sure). Then we went out to lunch at Buffalo Wild Wings (yummy). After that we ran some errands-ending with picking out pumpkins. As a family we carved the pumpkins-quietly. Dawson literally carved his pumpkin all by himself-it was adorable. I really should post a picture of it. Since it was a nice day, we decided to go for a family walk-didn't turn out so good. All I could do was complain about everything. Finally, Jeff said "why don't you just go home". Yikes. I said some choice words to him and stormed off.

As I made it home to my lonesome house, I locked myself in Samuel's room and pulled out all his stuff and just sobbed. I looked at pictures, held his little clothes, and rubbed his hand and foot mold. It felt good to release. I cried so hard I almost threw up. After awhile Jeff and Dawson came home. Jeff came upstairs and just held me. This is exactly what I needed.
To the end the night we went to church and the sermon was about worship in heaven. Coincidence? I don't think. It completed a day in just the way we needed it to end.

Happy Birthday Our Sweet Samuel!

Our baby is Perfect!

Hey everyone! We had our ultrasound this morning. Praise Jesus! Everything went perfect and they said everything was normal. Oh wow! What a blessing!!! Praise God, Praise God. I can't tell you the stress that left my body when I heard those words come out of the doctor's mouth. Whew. At last, I can relax and sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a better day. It is almost as if the news was a gift from sweet Samuel, letting mommy know that everything is okay. Lots of smiles today.
Pictures to come!

Big Ultrasound Scheduled

Well, we have a date for our BIG ultrasound. It is Oct. 23rd at 10:15am. Please pray for us on that day.